when i wake up

[Catherine Prince]

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Elizabeth Vance

when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might end up being me

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Now that she had graduated, Caty was pretty much staying at Lizzie’s house full time. They were both professional Quidditch players and were often busy with practice and games, but they’d come home to each other in the evenings and spend a little quality time together. Sometimes Cat would get back from practice late and Lizzie would already be asleep on the sofa. She’d spend a moment or two just watching her rest peacefully before waking her to bring her to bed. Quidditch season was upon them and it was hard work, much harder than school had been. The stakes were higher. And since they were on different teams, their schedules were often unaligned. When Lizzie was practicing while Caty was home, she’d spend her day in the potion room brewing for hours until her girl came home. It was a good life.[break][break]

It was a rare day off for both of them when they found out about Vadellia Allman’s resentencing. The witch that destroyed her girlfriend’s family was entered into a rehab program. It was most unfair. Caty became an anchor to keep Lizzie from spiraling. It was almost immediate the way this news devastated her and Catherine had been there to pick up the pieces. It’s been a rough few weeks since and still she could see the sadness in her girl’s eyes. It broke her heart to see.[break][break]

Today was another rare day off. Caty woke up to the sun faintly beaming through the curtains. She rolled over to find Lizzie already awake, staring at the ceiling. Her stomach fell at the look of sorrow on her love’s face. Caty reached out to rub her arm. “Hey.” She scooted a little closer. “What are you thinking about?”

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[Elizabeth Vance]

Life wasn't always fair. And generally, in those unfair moments, Elizabeth Vance would pick herself up and remind herself that sometimes life was also exceptionally good. But sometimes...there was a very slow bounce back. Sometimes, something so unfair happened that it made someone wonder if there really was any good or any sense of justice in the world.

And for Lizzie, she was in one of those moments.

Hearing one day that the witch responsible for murdering your parents was apprehended and would stand trial...Lizzie had been so happy. Her dead parents would finally be able to rest. But less than a week later, the wizarding world read all about how the ministry was using Vader Allman as a project. She was getting a potential second chance at life...a second chance at a life that Lizzie's own parents would never know.

And it broke her.

Lizzie had cried...she had cried hard. It must have been a sight for Caty given that Lizzie very rarely showed any emotion other than "happy". But it had hit her hard. And she was so grateful for her girlfriend's support.

But this morning, Lizzie had woken up well before the sun had risen. The soft sleeping breath of her girlfriend next to her let her know that she was still in the real world. And so she just laid there, staring at the ceiling above her. As the sun began to creep in through the curtains, Lizzie didn't move...not even when she felt Caty stirring next to her. The touch to her arm was soothing and almost was enough to make the Harpy not feel so numb.

What are you thinking about?

Lizzie sighed before answering Caty honestly.

"My mum."

It was difficult. Part of Lizzie knew that had it not been her parents...had her folks still been alive...they would tell her that people are capable of change. She could almost hear her mother telling her to let go and just see what happened. But she couldn't. She just couldn't. Lizzie adjusted, wrapping an arm around Caty's shoulders and pulling her close, cuddling into her.

[Catherine Prince]

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Elizabeth Vance

when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might end up being me

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Seeing Liz like this was hard. Cat felt like she needed to fix it, but she knew that wasn’t possible. This was something she’d have to come to terms with on her own, without her interference. All she could do was hold her when she cried, offer her support when she wanted to talk, and just stay by her side in general. And Caty was happy to do it. Her heart just hurt at seeing Lizzie hurt. She was in love with her.[break][break]

“My mum.”[break][break]

Caty gave her girlfriend’s arm a comforting squeeze. She knew there was nothing she could do to change the situation, but she needed to be there for her. It was the most important thing. Lizzie shifted and pulled her in close, Caty’s own arms sliding up her back, a hand going to support her head as she pressed herself into her. She was content to hold her here for as long as possible, stroking her hair slowly. “Do you want to tell me about it?” Caty brought her face up from Lizzie’s shoulder, looking her in the eye.

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[Elizabeth Vance]

Being with Caty felt right…playing for the Harpies felt right…

But nothing else in Elizabeth’s life felt too right right now. Right now, the world was watching with bated breath to see if a mass murder would earn her freedom. Right now…rumors were swirling about Vader and the Auror who brought her in. About how she was possibly getting a chance at love.

Do you want to tell me about it?

Liz just held her girlfriend for a bit before sighing and relenting.

”I just…mum would forgive her…but I can’t.”

There was blend of shame and sorrow in Lizzie’s voice as she spoke. Everything she did was to honor her parents and their memory. But she felt like no matter what she did in this moment, nothing would be the right choice.

There was no winning.

[Catherine Prince]

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Elizabeth Vance

when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might end up being me

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Caty brought her hand to her chest so she could grab hold of Lizzie’s hand. She gave it a supportive squeeze, offering her an encouraging smile. This was hard, she knew. It was impossible for her to imagine how hard it was. Caty didn’t know what it was like to lose your parents, especially in that way, but her heart bled for the pain she saw her girlfriend going through. It was almost too much for her. She reached out to gently stroke her hair, offering some soft, comforting sounds. Caty wasn’t even sure what she was doing was helping, but she kept doing it hoping it was. “It’s okay if you can’t,” she told her softly. “It’s okay to be upset over this. You don’t have to forgive her. I think your mum would understand.” But Caty did feel that forgiving Allman was what was best for Lizzie, she just understood that that isn’t going to happen right now and that’s okay. Lizzie needs to grieve first, that's the only way she’s going to be able to heal. “I have an idea. How about I make you breakfast? Chocolate chip pancakes?” She smiled enticingly before kissing her on the nose. “Come on, I’ll make you coffee.”[break][break]

Slipping out of her girlfriend’s arms, Caty sat up in bed, stretching before rising to her feet. She walked forward and pulled back the curtains before throwing a silk robe over her underwear. Cat finger brushed her hair before tying it up in a messy bun, tossing a nice fuzzy robe over to Lizzie. “It’ll be fun,” she promised, waving her over before heading to the kitchen. Caty waved her wand at the cabinets and everything was set in motion. Bowls and spoons came flying out of the cabinet as well as ingredients, setting up on the countertops. On the other side coffee beans and a mug came to the coffee pot, the coffee brewing itself before she even made it to the sink. She set her wand down and started mixing ingredients in a bowl and stirring them together while the coffee finished brewing. Caty figured she’d go ahead and get started while she was waiting on Liz to come out. The coffee finished and she turned to make up a cup the way Lizzie liked it, setting it down on the counter just as she came in. “That’s for you,” she smiled, nodding to the coffee before going back to the pancakes. “I’ll have these done in no time.”

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[Elizabeth Vance]

Caty was understanding and Lizzie appreciated it more than her girlfriend probably realized. But then she mentioned breakfast and Liz watched as the woman wiggled out of bed...opened the curtains...slipped on a robe...

It'll be fun.

Liz hummed in thought. She didn't really want to get up. But Caty tossed over her favorite comfy fluffy robe and honestly...Lizzie was just never very good at telling the girl no. After a bit, Lizzie finally slipped out of bed and ran a brush through her hair before tying it back and slipping the robe over her figure.

Out in the kitchen, Lizzie just paused a moment to watch her girlfriend. She was so beautiful...so sweet and caring. Approaching slowly, she smiled softly as Caty handed her a cup of coffee and she just sat down at the table and sipped at it a moment.

Caty made it hard to be upset. Quite to opposite actually. Caty made her so incredibly happy...but recent events just made things hard on the usually happy-go-lucky Harpy. She felt guilty for it. Her father had always told her not to get wrapped up in things she couldn't control. He had always told her to live each day to the fullest. And her mother had taught her forgiveness and compassion. And yet here she was...not living up to either of those standards.

[Catherine Prince]

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Elizabeth Vance

when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might end up being me

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Lizzie still hadn’t made a peep since she got up. While she prepared the pancakes, she kept stealing glances over her shoulder. This wasn’t unusual, but it still worried Caty. Silence filled the space more often than laughter did now. It was okay, though, she knew they could make it through this. Caty piled the golden pancakes on two plates, grabbing her wand to summon the butter and syrup to the table. She carried the plates over, setting the one with the tastiest looking ones in front of Lizzie before she took the seat beside her. Instead of digging into her breakfast, Catherine reached out to place a hand on Liz’s arm. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” It was important for her to know that she could rely on Caty. She could tell that the pancakes and coffee were not enough to lift her spirits. From what she knew of Lizzie’s parents they wouldn’t want her torturing herself like this. Forgiveness will come when it’s ready and not a moment sooner. She didn’t think her parents would begrudge her for taking her time with this.[break][break]

She rubbed her arm a little before going to pick up her fork and knife, cutting into the pancakes. Cat ate in silence for a few moments, glancing up at Lizzie after every bite. Lizzie couldn’t see past right now, but Caty could see further than that. She saw a future where her girlfriend makes it out to the other side, happier than before. It was just going to take time for that to happen. “What’s the worst thing that will happen if you don’t forgive Allman?” What was it that was haunting her so much? Was it the feeling she was disappointing her parents? She hoped she could make her see that she wasn’t.

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[Elizabeth Vance]

No, the Vance's certainly would not want their only daughter tormenting herself like this. But they weren't here to stop it. They were gone. And they were gone at the hands of the very woman Lizzie was torturing herself over. They weren't here to teach her how to get through this.

But she had Caty...and at the soft touch and the softer words, Lizzie offered her girlfriend a small smile before leaning over to press a kiss to her temple. The two moved to eat their breakfast and Lizzie could practically feel Caty steeling glances at her. She knew she was worrying her...but she didn't know how to stop it. She wanted to stop it.

What’s the worst thing that will happen if you don’t forgive Allman?

Lizzie was midbite and her chewing slowed a bit as she thought. Swallowing her food, she took a sip of her coffee before sighing. What was the worst?

"I dishonor everything my parents ever stood for," she muttered softly...dejectedly.

A knot formed in the pit of her stomach and it sat heavy as she turned her gaze toward Caty. She felt the tears brimming and she did her best to force them away. She was so tired of crying over this. But no matter what angle she approached this mountain from...she just couldn't get over it...

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

[Catherine Prince]

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Elizabeth Vance

when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might end up being me

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Her heart lurched at the sight of her tears and Caty gently grabbed her arm again. “No, don’t be,” she said in a soft voice. Lizzie didn’t need to apologize to Catherine for her grief. She rubbed her arm soothingly and mulled over what she had said. From what Cat knew of her girlfriend’s parents, they were just and honorable people. Even if it was true Liz would dishonor them, which Caty fully believed she wouldn’t, but even if it was true she knew her parents would forgive her for that. “And who says you need to forgive her right this second?” No one would blame her for not immediately warming to the idea of Vader’s freedom. “I don’t think it’s dishonorable to struggle with this. Do you think if the roles were reversed and they had lost you instead that they’d be so quick to forgive her?” Caty offered her a sad smile, her thumb circling on her smooth skin. “I think they’d understand that forgiving something like this is hard. I can’t think of a single person who’d be able to do it right away.”

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[Elizabeth Vance]

Liz didn't want to cry over this anymore. It wasn't the best look for her...it was effecting her quidditch game...and as supportive and amazing as Caty had been, Lizzie didn't want to put her through this anymore. She hadn't exactly been the best partner over the past couple months. She'd been moody, inattentive, and a little distant. But she was thankful that Caty recognized that it wasn't about her and had taken it all in stride. But that didn't make it fair in the slightest.

Lizzie lowered her head as her girlfriend talked for a bit. About how it wasn't mandatory for her to come to terms with this right away. How she could take her time. How her parents would understand and how they likely would have had a similar struggle if the roles had been reversed.

But who was really to say?

Maybe they would have had that grace right away....or maybe they wouldn't. Lizzie just didn't know.

She reached out and took Caty's hand in her own. The woman was a rock and Lizzie was thankful for her support. She leaned in, placing a few soft kisses to her girlfriend's lips before sighing.

"I just want you to know that I'm trying," she whispered softly.

[Catherine Prince]

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Elizabeth Vance

when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might end up being me

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“I know, baby,” she whispered back, leaning forward to press a lingering kiss to her forehead. There was no easy answer here, no shortcut to getting better. Caty leaned back with a soft smile, squeezing Lizzie’s arm. “We better eat before it gets cold.” Reluctantly, she retracted her hand and picked up her knife and fork, digging back into her meal. She let Liz eat in peace, no longer stealing glances to make sure she was okay. Cat was sure that having someone hovering wasn’t making things any better for her. It was hard enough as it was. Caty finished her pancakes with a satisfied sigh, setting her utensils down on the empty plate. “I could brew you a little Draught of Peace if you’d like. Or maybe a Laughing Potion?” She looked at Liz with soft eyes. She truly wanted to help her feel better, even if only for a day. “Or we could just snuggle on the couch or go back to bed,” she offered with a small, one shouldered shrug. “It’s up to you.” She reached out to gently wipe a spot of chocolate from the corner of her mouth, putting her thumb in her mouth to lick it clean.

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[Elizabeth Vance]

Lizzie chewed on her lip slightly as Caty mentioned the food getting cold. Nodding, she turned her attention to her plate and picked at her pancakes for a bit…eating maybe half of it. But she just didn’t have an appetite. Pushing her plate away, she sighed.

She needed…to do something. But numbing the pain with potions didn’t seem like the route to take. She appreciated the effort from her girlfriend but she didn’t want to go that route.

”How about…how about we get cleaned up and just go for a walk?”

She reached out to take Caty’s hand and offered her a small smile.

[Catherine Prince]

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Elizabeth Vance

when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might end up being me

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Caty wasn’t accustomed to comforting someone with wounds this deep, but she was trying her best. She didn’t want to rush Liz into feeling better - she wanted her to take her time and feel what she needs to feel - but a big part of Cat wanted to fix everything. It was difficult to balance the two. Perhaps the Potions were just a bandaid. It was something she knew how to do though, so she might as well offer it. Lizzie seemed to have something else in mind and Caty had to agree that was a better option. She smiled at Liz in return, giving her hand a squeeze. “That sounds great.” Catherine leaned forward as she stood to press a kiss to her forehead. “Get the shower ready while I clean up here?” They couldn’t go on a walk dressed in their underwear after all. Caty pulled out her wand and waved it at the mess they had made, moving to the coffee pot as the leftovers were trashed and the dishes started cleaning themselves. While her magic finished cleaning up, she made herself a cup of coffee. Two sugars and a splash of milk. Cat grabbed her mug just as the last dish set itself on the drying rack, bringing it to her lips to blow on before she took a sip. Mmm, just right.[break][break]

She made her way to the bathroom, sipping on her coffee as she walked. The hot water was running, steam curling from the shower, filling the room with a hazy warmth. Caty set her mug down on the countertop and undressed, her hand coming to Lizzie’s shoulder as she stepped in the shower. Caty liked to sing Disney songs while she showered. Her voice filled the space as she sang a song from her childhood, her hands soaping up Lizzie’s back. When they were both spick and clean, Cat got out first so she could hand Liz her towel. She dried her hair before dressing herself, picking out an outfit that would keep her warm. Caty put on her makeup while Lizzie got ready and before long she was putting on her coat and tucking her wand in her pocket. She held out her hand for her to take. “Just around the garden? Or was there somewhere else you were thinking?”

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