I Just Wanted To Be

[Luke Park]

Luke sat, cross legged in the middle of the dance studio...a laptop open in front of him as he stared at the screen. He and his brothers had released a video of a dance practice about a week ago. And shockingly, it seemed to be blowing up. There were so so many comments and Luke...was reading them.

Almost all of them were positive. Even the negative ones weren't that bad. But what was getting to Luke...was that not a single comment was about him. And while usually, that didn't phase him, it was today.

His brow furrowed as he read.

The guy in the shorts is giving major dad energy...it's kind of hot.

That rapper is amazing!

I think the one in the white hat is so talented...he raps, sings, and dances like a pro!

Who's the cutie in the beanie?! He seems so sweet!

Okay Mr Bucket Hat...Way to steal my heart.

The younger one in all black is one of the best dancers I've ever seen.

So many comments...all hyping his brothers up. But Luke was feeling pretty left out. He couldn't blame the viewers. His brothers were seriously talented. But part of him had thought he was too...he stood up and crossed the room, turning the speaker on and starting the music for Domino over again, throwing himself into the choreography and practicing again while a few tears stung at his eyes.

[Erin Park]

Erin had just dropped the girls by his eomma for the afternoon while he headed to the studio in Hogsmeade. He didn't really have anything planned, but Willie was at practice and he had left his laptop there, so he figured he could work on some new lyrics or a new backbeat. It was nice to escape and sit in the quiet for a little while...get away from the Ministry for a while. His dream had always been music, but back then...would it have paid the bills?

Running a hand through his hair as he walked, he did consider the slight success they'd been having and it brought a smile to his lips. He didn't read the comments on any of their videos because he tended to get too far into his head when he saw the negative ones. So he wouldn't even have been aware that Luke wasn't being mentioned, nor that it was bothering his baby brother. If he did, of course he would say something.

Unlocking the door and heading inside, he was surprised to hear one of their songs over the speakers. He peeked around into the dance area and saw his youngest brother putting pretty much his all into the choreography. The kid had a voice like an angel and perhaps it wasn't as easy on his feet like it was for Jay, Bo, and Nico, but Erin was starting to wonder if maybe he was comparing himself to them. That was something that did worry him when they started all of this.

Erin watched for a while against the doorway and when the song finished, he clapped. "You're gonna wear out the soles of your shoes if you keep going that hard," he teased in Korean.

[Luke Park]

Through the movements, Luke kept his eyes trained on the mirrors in front of him...watching his own movements. He was so focused on himself and the choreography that he didn't even see the shape of his eldest brother in the doorway. But what he did see...was mistakes in his steps. They may have been small...but he noticed them. And a few tears broke through and fell down his face as he kept pushing. He didn't understand why Nico, Bo, and Jay were all so much better at this than him. They had all practically started at the same time.

But as the music ended and Luke fought to catch his breath, knowing he was pushing himself too hard, he heard the familiar voice behind him. He jumped slightly, moving to wipe his face before Erin could get a good look at the tears and then turned.

"Hyung...you startled me," he muttered softly. He forced a smile and looked at his feet at Erin's comment and shrugged. "Just trying to be as good as I can...I don't want to let anyone down."

He moved to try and get to the laptop to close out of the comments before Erin could see that he had been looking at it...but knowing Erin, he likely got there first. That much was up to Ella. Regardless, Luke tried not to let his older brother see the blush tinting his face.

[Erin Park]

Erin hadn't seen that Luke was crying, but he did see that he was wiping his face a little frantically. The concern etched onto the eldest Park's face and the smile faded as Luke let him know that he scared him. ”Sorry,” he said, glancing a moment down to the open laptop and noting that the comments were rolled up just as Luke tried to close it. Erin furrowed brow, nodding as his brother said he wanted to be as good as he could be.

”I don't know who you think you're letting down,” he said, moving toward Luke to put a hand on his shoulder. ”Look at me,” he said. ”Were you reading the comments? not all of the brothers avoided them the way that Erin did, but he wished they, especially Luke, would. He had a soft heart just like Erin.

[Luke Park]

I don't know who you think you're letting down.

Luke didn't answer. He instead busied himself with fixing his hair in the mirror. But he should have known that Erin wouldn't let it go so easy. He felt the hand to his shoulder and as Erin told him to look, he couldn't help but oblige.

Were you reading the comments?

Luke felt a few more tears brimming in his eyes and he sighed.

"They don't like me like they like the rest of you," he admitted softly. "Over six hundred comments and none of them about me."

It sounded whiny to say out loud...but it hurt. He felt like he was letting his brothers down by not being as good or as notable as they were.

"People praise you for being our leader...Evan for being such a skilled rapper...Alvin is a genuine ace. Ben had the voice of an angel...and Nico, Bo, and Jay are all such amazing dancers." He paused and wiped his eyes. "I'm just...the youngest. And no one cares about that."

[Erin Park]

Erin knew he hit it on the head when a few more tears started to brim in his brother's eyes. He hated seeing him like this - this was exactly why he didn't read the comments. He knew there were going to be haters out there, or...apparently, in Luke's case, none at all. He made a mental note to have Jay scan the comments and find the ones about Luke...not go as far as to have an anonymous write any because that was just shitty in itself, but to find them. They couldn't all not be about him. He was adorable - yes, Erin thought Luke was adorable. And that voice? But Erin didn't think Luke was being whiny. He could see being hurt.

"Listen," he said, looking at Luke. "This is exactly why I say to not look at the comments," he said, softly. "They just haven't met you yet. Ben isn't the only one with the voice of an angel," he said with a small wink. "There's a song I've been working on...for Willie. For the wedding..." Erin hadn't told any of the brothers about it yet, but he had been thinking about how he wanted it presented, and Luke was definitely one of the voices he needed. "And I want you to sing on it with me. You're the first one I thought of. And I know I'm not one of those six hundred comments, but I hope you'll believe me when I say they're missing out. Plus...you're wrong." he attempted to tease him, nudging him with his arm. "Everyone loves a good maknae."

[Luke Park]

Listen.

Luke didn't want to. But he did anyway. Erin went on about why they shouldn't focus on the comments and how people would love him once they got to know him. Luke was having a hard time believing it. So many comments he had read...none of them referenced him.

But when Erin mentioned a song he was working on, Luke furrowed his brow and looked down. "You'd be better off asking Ben, I think," he muttered...a few tears falling down his face. Ben was clearly the better singer...the comments said so.

Plus...you're wrong.

Luke looked back up. And as Erin joked about a good maknae, Luke couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "I don't think most of our audience right now knows what a maknae is," he joked back. But...it got the wheels turning in his head. "I...I have an idea..."

He raised his eyes to Erin and grinned weakly.

"Do...you and Evan want to do a song with me?"

[Erin Park]

Erin knew that Luke wasn't going to believe him, and it seemed that even when he suggested that he wanted Luke to sing the song with him, he right away said that Erin should ask Ben. If Erin would have known that he felt that the comments were directly calling out Ben as the better singer (even though they were likely just calling him out as a good singer) he would have opened the laptop himself and scrolled through them, right there. "Nah, I want you, and Jay, and Ben to sing it with me. Just the four of us. Only vocals. Each one gets their own verse." Erin looked at Luke, his heart aching at seeing his brother so upset about the comments.

"Maybe not, but once they do..." he said, watching Luke with a furrowed brow as he said he had an idea. The smile was weak, but at least it was a smile and not the sad brother he walked in on. "I...would love to? I can't speak for Evan but I'm sure he would be game, too," he offered Luke a smile. "What're you thinkin'?"

[Luke Park]

Nah, I want you.

Luke sighed softly as Erin detailed that he wanted all of the more vocally inclined members to do the song with him. But even still...he couldn't help but wonder if perhaps Alvin would be a better choice than him. But this seemed important to Erin and Luke didn't want to sully it with his doubts. So he just nodded, agreeing to do it. He would work hard on it and make his brothers proud. He swore it.

And as Erin agreed to help him with his idea, stating he was sure that Evan would be down to help him as well, Luke just grinned...that same grin settling into a smirk when Erin asked what he was thinking. Luke opened the laptop back up and pulled up a small beat he had been playing with. Luke wasn't the producer that his oldest three brothers were...but he had wanted to play with a small idea...not really knowing where it would go. But now he knew. Now he had a direction.

He pressed play and blushed slightly.

"It's rough...it definitely needs your touch to clean it up and get it somewhere but I was thinking...let's teach them all what a maknae is."

He grinned at his brother.

"The youngest...with the two oldest..."

[Erin Park]

Erin had no doubt that Luke was the best choice. He and Ben both had amazing voices, and Luke just needed to grab the confidence by the horns. It was hard when you could see something in someone that they couldn’t, and they constantly threw themselves under the bus for it. Erin was sure even Georgia at this point wouldn’t be able to convince his baby brother that his talent was out of this world. He would let it go…for now. As long as he was focused on something else and not the comments of their fans.

Slipping into the room as Luke set up the laptop, he started to smile as the beat played through the speakers of the computer. He bobbed his head as he went, enjoying the sound. ”It’s such a good start,” he smiled over at his brother before reaching over to ruffle his hair. Even though he was in his sixth year of school, he was still the baby and would be treated as such. Out of love, of course. ”The world deserves to know about baby bird,” he teased his brother with a wink. ”and to see how proud of him we are,” he moved from ruffling his hair to poking him in the cheek lightly, playfully. ”Do you have any lyrics going yet? I’m excited,” Erin grinned, practically wiggling where he stood. He was so proud of Luke.