How Much She Means.

[Gavin Walker]

Ministry life had taken quite a turn lately. His mentors, one of which happened to be his older sister, had managed to bring in the most fearsome with of their generation. And it had set off a rather bizarre series of events.

The Wizengamot had approved a reformation program for Vader…or Lia. The head Auror had forced Abe to go through a veritiserum trial after the arrest. Lia had been charged to Abe and Molly. And by that standard…Gavin himself had had to spend a lot of time around Lia as well.

And in that time…he had noticed some things. And as he sat next to Abe, helping with some paperwork…one of those things was heavy on his mind.

But how to ask..?

Gavin glanced up at Abe and sighed, pushing the papers away for a moment.

”Hey Abe? Could I ask you a question, mate?”

[Abram Schraeder]

Abe was still being scrutinized at work. He was surprised that he was still being allowed to train Gavin Walker - especially with Lia being in his and Molly's charge. He knew how Molly felt, and he was starting to feel like it was putting a strain on their partnership. But he never knew how Gavin felt. It was a good trait for an auror to have, but Abe did wish he had an idea of what he was working with.

And now, as he sorted paperwork with Gavin, he was alone and Molly-less. But Abe wasn't so much thinking about how Gavin felt about Lia so much as getting all the paperwork sorted so they wouldn't have to dig when someone came running for some detail on Lia's case. It was a step in the right direction for Abe, who was notorious for keeping his paperwork out and on the table. He always felt like it kept him more focused.

"Hey Abe?"

The elder auror furrowed his brow and sounded a bit of a hmm? Noise as he glanced up at his trainee, raising a brow.

"Could I ask you a question, mate?"

Abe picked up the stack of papers he formed and tipped them up so he could shuffle them together by tapping them against the hard surface of his desk. "Always. What's on your mind, Gavin?"

[Gavin Walker]

Gavin wasn’t the type to speak out of line. I’m the office, he’d become more of a “seen but not heard” type. But sometimes, something just weighed so heavily on the young lad’s mind that he couldn’t help it.

Abe tapped his stack of papers on his desk and then turned his attention to Gavin. For a moment, the trainee considered backing off but…

Something just told him that this was important. Something told him this wasn’t something he should dance around. So he didn’t.

”How long have you loved her?” His pale eyes watched his teacher curiously before he specified. ”Va-…Lia. How long have you loved Lia?”

Gavin wasn’t a fool. He had heard the whispers in the office. While they had strengthened his suspicions, he also refused to feed into them. So he had waited until there were no wandering ears around to hear their conversation. He would never put Abe in such a position.

[Abram Schraeder]

"How long have you loved her?"

The crease in Abe's forehead deepens at the question. What was he talking about?

"Va-...Lia. How long have you loved Lia?"

No, Gavin wasn't a fool. Abe himself had heard the whispers in the office, but somehow hearing it from Gavin made it just that much more. A small lump formed in the base of Abe's throat, and for what? He wasn't in love with Lia. He couldn't be. Not after everything she'd done - after what she'd become. It was impossible. He was on the absolute complete opposite of the spectrum of good and evil.

But yet?

Here was Gavin, probably the most astute person he'd ever met, asking him how long he'd been in love with Lia.

In school, he probably would have blushed and brushed it off. He hadn't even told Lia he loved her back then, even though he had. He didn't want to scare her off. He'd lived with guilt for the entirety of thirteen years thinking that perhaps if he had told her he loved her back then that she wouldn't have gone with the Malfoy's. That she would have stayed with him, and he wouldn't have ever had to be engaged to Chassy, and she would have been his only. But he was thirty one years old. Thirteen years had passed and the amount of incomprehensible things that Lia had done were enough to land her in the dementor's hands easy.

But here he was... protecting her, again. Always protecting her.

"What do you mean?" he said, simply, after a moment's (or what seemed like a moment) pause. "I would have recommended this same program for any other dark witch or wizard that was brought in," he added. It was the same broken record phrase he'd used on the other aurors when they questioned about her being recommended for the reformation. "We were together a long, long time ago," he told Gavin, still shuffling the papers, tapping them on his desk as to distract himself from... something. "Before everything..." that wasn't really an answer, was it? But Abe...

Abe really didn't know how to answer that question.

[Gavin Walker]

Gavin watched his instructor carefully. His brow as it creased…the way he paused, seemingly looking for the words. It was all so unlike the Abe he usually knew.

When the older wizard began to talk, Gavin just smiled. He had heard those lines. And none of it really answered the question he had asked. But Gavin let him finish anyways.

”I know…I never doubted that you’d try to help anyone who wanted to be helped. But…that’s not what I asked,” he said softly. Gavin was still learning how to really stand his ground and advocate for himself. And while he knew Abe wasn’t and would never walk over him, the situation still felt a bit stiff.

”You love her. I’m not saying in what way…hells, maybe you don’t even know yourself. But anyone paying attention can see how much you care about her.”

Gavin’s voice wasn’t pointed or accusatory. It was soft…full of understanding and compassion. Abe deserved to realize that it was okay to feel. Gavin himself had realized that lesson a little over a year ago…and now he was happier than ever.

[Abram Schraeder]

Abe knew he wouldn't be able to put anything over on Gavin. He didn't want to, either... he just really didn't know how to answer the question. He'd spent the last thirteen years telling himself he was over Lia, and that he had to be over her. That he couldn't have feelings for her after what she'd done. But... he did - he knew he did, deep down. And he had to suppress them because there was no way anything good could come from having feelings on his sleeve like that. Nothing good ever came from everyone knowing your business...both he and Lia were a testament to that as of late.

”You love her. I’m not saying in what way…hells, maybe you don’t even know yourself. But anyone paying attention can see how much you care about her.”

Abe just looked at Gavin for a moment. Astute. Too astute for his own good.

No, Abe didn't know in what way he loved Lia...but he still did. Under his tough turtle shell, there were feelings that he harbored for her, and he absolutely could not help it. The moment he saw her in the clearing, it was like everything came back on a wrecking ball and everything he'd worked for these last years didn't even matter in comparison. But no one could know - no one. He trusted Gavin but..."I..." This lack of communication really was unlike Abe, who usually always had something to say, something professional. But right now...this didn't feel like a professional conversation. This felt like... almost like a younger sibling trying to talk some sense into their older sibling. Telling them to let a little loose.

"Is it that obvious?" Abe felt his chest tighten. He couldn't talk about this with anyone - let alone Lia herself. "I've tried so hard for years to just. Forget...but I can't."

[Gavin Walker]

I…

Gavin watched Abe intently for a moment before turning his attention back to the papers in front of him. When Abe found his words again, Gavin just nodded.

”A bit…”

No point in lying about it. Gavin had seen the way that Abe was holding Lia close to his chest when they’d arrived at the ministry. He had seen the soft look in Abe’s eyes anytime he watched her or looked at her. And he knew that others in the office had too.

Abe spoke again and Gavin paused this time. But after a moment he smiled.

”Maybe…sometimes we aren’t supposed to forget?” he offered.

[Abram Schraeder]

"A bit..."

If Gavin had noticed, then... likely others have noticed, too. He wondered what that meant - no one had said anything to him. Perhaps they were just gossiping about him behind his back...questioning how good of an auror he was because his focus was very intently on a dark witch that had spent the almost half her life making others' lives miserable. Questioning if he had a hand in it the whole time, even though the veriteserum had proven otherwise. That the first time he'd encountered her since she left him was that day in the clearing.

"Maybe...Sometimes we aren't supposed to forget?"

Abe looked down at the paperwork in his hands, slightly crumpled now from the tight grip he was keeping on them. he hadn't expected to be called out - he thought he'd been keeping it to himself quite well. But...he couldn't help the way he looked at her. The protective way he wanted to be in every room when they ran their tests. The way he practically ran to the Macready's after work to see her. He supposed that may have been part of it, too - Gavin spent a good time at Saffron's as well. He got to see it outside of work, too. "I don't..." Abe chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. "I can't imagine what it feels like to have the entire world against you, whether you deserve it or not. And I never thought I would still feel this way after thirteen years...and there's nothing I can do about it."

[Gavin Walker]

Gavin would agree that Abe kept it together at work. His rushing to be there could easily be explained away by the fact that the Wizengamot had named Vadellia his responsibility. And it was near impossible to deny the effects of veriteserum.

But outside of the office…Abe couldn’t hide the way he looked at his charge. The way Gavin had seen him watching her as she tended plants. The way his heart seemed to visibly melt anytime Sherry latched into Lia or begged her to read to her. The way he was just…always there.

Abe’s words were valid. Deserving or not…knowing there was no one in your corner had to be a dreadful feeling. And knowing that Abe would feel that way for anyone…Gavin could only imagine it was amplified in regards to Lia.

…and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Gavin grinned and shook his head. There was plenty that could be done.

”How about…talking to her about how you feel?” he suggested.

”Everyone deserves a chance to find happiness.”

[Abram Schraeder]

Honestly, it was a little surprising that it wasn't Saffron giving Abe this talk, that it was her youngest brother. The Walkers were all very logical, observant people and usually had very good advice. But perhaps...Saffron was seeing it more as Lia being his charge rather than anything other than that. Letting something get in the way of your career was...something. And Saffron wasn't a good example of letting your heart rule over your head. She and Sherrod had almost been removed from the Hit Wizard program years ago.

But this was different, wasn't it? The way Gavin was smiling at him made Abe feel like it was different. Gavin was making him feel like it was okay to feel.

"How about...talking to her about how you feel?"

Abe furrowed his brow, as if that were the most difficult, most ridiculous thing he'd heard all day.

"Everyone deserves a chance to find happiness."

Abe finally lifted his gaze to Gavin's and looked at him a moment through curious eyes. He knew Gavin was smart. And he was a Walker, seeming to have that natural logic. He was right, though. Everyone deserved a chance to find happiness. And everyone deserved a second chance - but did Abe? Would she allow him to have that second chance? He wasn't sure he wanted to talk to her about his feelings...or that he was ready to. But...Gavin was right. He would have to. It was only fair to her...and to him. "I can't see it going over well. There's...there's thirteen years of distance between then and now..." Oh, Abe.

[Gavin Walker]

Perhaps Gavin had vastly overstepped. But he liked Abe a lot. Abe deserved to not just live behind a desk. He deserved to find love and pursue it. And if that lived happened to be with Lia…who the hell was anyone to judge?

I can’t see it going well.

Gavin watched Abe through curious, ever-learning eyes. His mentor was many things. But stupid wasn’t one of them. So Gavin just sighed. He was just learning about love himself. Maybe he was wrong.

But he didn’t feel like he was…

”Have you ever really looked at her when she catches you watching her?” he asked softly. Maybe she wasn’t still in love with him. But Gavin knew she had to feel something for him. And Abe deserved to find out exactly why her face flushed pink and her eyes lit up when they were together…

[Abram Schraeder]

Gavin didn’t overstep at all, and if he had said so, Abe would have told him just as much. But Abe knew that Lia deserved love - whether it was his love or someone else’s, it didn’t much matter. But… sitting here, listening to Gavin…he did love her. Still. He never stopped. Perhaps he had shoved the thoughts away as they grew apart and she was hard to find and stop…but it was always there. He always wanted her. And the more he thought about it as they sat there, slight pauses between thought transitions, he wondered if that was why he couldn’t settle down. There was only one person he wanted to settle with.

“Have you ever really looked at her when she catches you watching her?”

Abe paused a moment, looking down at his hands. ”I…no…I usually don’t keep looking. What do they call it - out of embarrassment?” he let out a slight chuckle as he looked at the crinkled papers in his hands. ”I…do you know the feeling of needing to do everything for one person; that they’re…the reason you do something or keep going or wake up in the morning…” he felt silly. But…perhaps Gavin would know the feeling.

[Gavin Walker]

Gavin watched Abe with a small smile lingering on his lips. The smile that usually rested there when he realized he was entirely right and hadn't read a situation all wrong. Abe certainly loved Lia.

But he didn't seem too convinced on how she felt about him in return. For such a brilliant man, it was surprising to Gavin how he was missing it. But right now, Abe seemed to want to talk about Gavin and his own understandings of love. Gavin was certainly new to the concept of romantic love. But he knew love overall pretty well.

"I would do anything for Genna," he offered. "She could ask me to jump from the top of Big Ben and I would never ask why."

His smile grew a bit at the thought of his girlfriend.

"What if Lia asked you to jump from Big Ben?"

He watched his mentor carefully, glad no one was around and the two could just be...open, like this.

[Abram Schraeder]

Now that Gavin was putting it right in the front and center of his mind, it was really the only thing Abe could focus on. He thought of all the things he would do for Lia - the main thing had been saving her from the Dementor's kiss and submitting her for the rehabilitation program. He...knew he should have talked to her about it first. Gotten her opinion. But he also knew that he would have to work fast. The Dementors swirled above the Wizengamot hungrily, and any chance of a breach in a patronus charm and they'd have been on her faster than lumos. But...Gavin, bringing it to Abe's attention did cause a slight of wonder in his own mind regarding his trainee. And...it seemed, he did know the feeling Abe was talking about.

"...What if Lia asked you to jump from Big Ben?"

Abe paused. Obviously it was just a silly hypothetical. But he would in a heartbeat. He'd throw himself into the Atlantic Ocean. He'd banish himself to plains of Africa. He'd leave her alone and never talk to her again if she asked. "That's not even a question, I don't think," he said, softly. "And I'd jump with her if I couldn't talk her out of jumping herself."

[Gavin Walker]

Years separated the two men. Abe was years older than Gavin...but there was a few things that connected them. Their jobs...their shared interest in fighting for those who couldn't fight for themselves...and the fact that they were two men just learning to really love someone. It was nice.

That's not even a question.

Gavin grinned. No...No it wasn't. Not when you really cared for someone. When you loved them so much you couldn't imagine them having to suffer anything. You couldn't imagine them wanting for anything. And you damn sure couldn't imagine a life without them in it.

And Gavin just nodded at Abe's final sentiment of jumping with Lia.

"Love is strange...but it's great," he just said softly. He leaned forward again, reaching for the stack of papers to finish sorting them.